vindicated.

Hope dangles on a string

Like slow spinning redemption

Winding in and winding out

The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in

So mesmerizing, and so hypnotizing

I am captivated,

With a heavy heart

I think my life can be summed up into one sad word: goodbye.
Firstly just as I'm getting close to my friends are Baharain its time to say goodbye to them and move to India. After taking forever to settle down and fine the perfect friends, its time to say goodbye to them and move to Singapore.
And heaven knows since coming to Singapore I've said more goodbyes then i think my heart can even take.
You would think one would learn to not get attached to things so easily but how sad is it to live your life loving nothing because you would have to say goodbye to them?
Last day at the HC hostel. I still remember my first day here. How much i hated the whole thing, i remember the rain and the prison-like lifts. i remember not being sure i remembered how to navigate to my room through the long yellow corridors.
I remember staying up the whole night, not being able to cry or think. Just so angry and so sad.
I remember how i hated it so much and i remember going to school and realizing i hated school even more.
That's when hostel became home. How i would run from school the minute the bell rang to come back "home".
And now 2 years have gone by and i cant seem to place my finger on the exact day when school became like heaven and hostel became like home. Like a real home.
When the harsh faces became friends and the long corridors became short.
When the suffocatingly perfect interiors of the hostel became places i couldn't look at without conjuring up some memory.
And now its time to say goodbye again.
And to all my J2 seniors. I cant tell you how much ill miss you all. Its meant the world to me to have you by my side. Helping me with studies, guys, girls. ha ha
I know this is the end of our journey together and i also know that no matter what people say about being "friends forever" there is actually no such term. Trust me, i know about this better than anyone else.
And as ill say goodbye to you guys today ill turn and look at the faces of the IP3's and JC1's and realize that next year ill be saying goodbye to them too.
Sometimes i wonder if someone will feel this way when i leave. I wonder if its just as hard for everyone else to say goodbye to things as it is for me.
But i thank God for the fact that i feel so horrid while saying goodbye.It goes to show that at least in lucky enough to have memories strong enough and happy enough to bring tears to my eyes when i have to leave them behind.
I sat on the ledge hanging outside my window for the longest time last night. (yes i know i can fall off and break all the bones in my body. thanks) And i looked at the hostel from high up on the sixth storey and preserved the picture in my mind.
Hopefully every time i need it, i can close my eyes again and conjure up the same calm i felt last night.
Thank you to everything I'm leaving behind this year.
I promise to remember all of you, the best and the worst. And i promise to always keep you in my prayers.
And i can only hope that what we remember of each other is enough to make us want to keep in touch.
Goodbye again.

Step one you say we need to talk

He walks you say sit down it's just a talk

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right

As he goes left and you stay right

Between the lines of fear and blame

You begin to wonder why you

Its 3:30 AM and im still not asleep.

Do you know why? Its because of you. Im so worried about you
When are you going to get everything together?
I see you waste away everyday of your life..letting it pass by as though its not worth living.
why?
i can see it so clearly..why cant you see how amazing you are? and how far you can go.
You can have everything you ever wanted..all you need to do is let yourself have it.
What are you so scared of? Tell me everything. Im still right here for you..i never left you..and your pain kills me inside..keeps me up at night.
But what makes me feel ever worse is the way you push me out. Let me in. Please. I can help you. I want to help you. You know i would give myself up if it could save you.
Im still here. Inside you. I never abandoned you..and no matter who abandons you i will still always be here. Let me take you hand. Let me be the shoulder you can cry on. Let me make you strong

I know what you think..you think im gone forever. You think its all over..like it never even existed. But the truth is that it did.

Dont do this to yourself. And if you dont care about yourself then think of it this way: dont do this to me. Because every wound you inflict upon yourself is felt by me too.
All i ask for you is to let me in.

The only thing worse than seeing you destroy yourself is being locked outside your life and watching you crumble like a spectator. And i cant do that.

You're the only one i ever believed in.

I love you

"Kiss Me"

Kiss Me- Sixpence None The Richer

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me