Faith

vindicated.

2008-11-21T11:59:00.000-08:00

Hope dangles on a string

Like slow spinning redemption

Winding in and winding out

The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in

So mesmerizing, and so hypnotizing

I am captivated,

With a heavy heart

2008-11-16T20:09:00.000-08:00

I think my life can be summed up into one sad word: goodbye.
Firstly just as I'm getting close to my friends are Baharain its time to say goodbye to them and move to India. After taking forever to settle down and fine the perfect friends, its time to say goodbye to them and move to Singapore.
And heaven knows since coming to Singapore I've said more goodbyes then i think my heart can even take.
You would think one would learn to not get attached to things so easily but how sad is it to live your life loving nothing because you would have to say goodbye to them?
Last day at the HC hostel. I still remember my first day here. How much i hated the whole thing, i remember the rain and the prison-like lifts. i remember not being sure i remembered how to navigate to my room through the long yellow corridors.
I remember staying up the whole night, not being able to cry or think. Just so angry and so sad.
I remember how i hated it so much and i remember going to school and realizing i hated school even more.
That's when hostel became home. How i would run from school the minute the bell rang to come back "home".
And now 2 years have gone by and i cant seem to place my finger on the exact day when school became like heaven and hostel became like home. Like a real home.
When the harsh faces became friends and the long corridors became short.
When the suffocatingly perfect interiors of the hostel became places i couldn't look at without conjuring up some memory.
And now its time to say goodbye again.
And to all my J2 seniors. I cant tell you how much ill miss you all. Its meant the world to me to have you by my side. Helping me with studies, guys, girls. ha ha
I know this is the end of our journey together and i also know that no matter what people say about being "friends forever" there is actually no such term. Trust me, i know about this better than anyone else.
And as ill say goodbye to you guys today ill turn and look at the faces of the IP3's and JC1's and realize that next year ill be saying goodbye to them too.
Sometimes i wonder if someone will feel this way when i leave. I wonder if its just as hard for everyone else to say goodbye to things as it is for me.
But i thank God for the fact that i feel so horrid while saying goodbye.It goes to show that at least in lucky enough to have memories strong enough and happy enough to bring tears to my eyes when i have to leave them behind.
I sat on the ledge hanging outside my window for the longest time last night. (yes i know i can fall off and break all the bones in my body. thanks) And i looked at the hostel from high up on the sixth storey and preserved the picture in my mind.
Hopefully every time i need it, i can close my eyes again and conjure up the same calm i felt last night.
Thank you to everything I'm leaving behind this year.
I promise to remember all of you, the best and the worst. And i promise to always keep you in my prayers.
And i can only hope that what we remember of each other is enough to make us want to keep in touch.
Goodbye again.

the laughter day

2008-03-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

Today i shall break my usual style of NOT writing about my day on my blog. It was one of those days which start out utterly ordinary and take such a turn half-way through you know youre never gonna forget it.
So around 1:30 me and Lakshmi were sitting together attempting and failing sadly, to study. Suddenly Sara called and asked us when these free tix we got frm sch were expiring and we guy realized tday was like the last day. So being utterly cheapo as we are, we abandoned our "studies" and like any pure blooded hosteler would, went to catch the movie.
Despite the fact that the crappiest movies were on and that practically all show times didnt suit us, Lakshi and me got dressed, got late, and cabbed all the way to Cathay. Which cost us 10 bucks. Haha

But guess what?

Me: "what shows are available at 3?"
Lady at counter: "um Blah Blah Blah and Blah"
Me: "Okay we'll um watch blah?"

and just as im about to book the tix and take out the free voucher lakshmi pulled me aside and told me she jus realized out tix were golden V and we guys were um NOT at golden V
ARGHHHHHH

Embarassing.to.the.core

srsly i dont think im ever going cathay again.

so well we run, take another cab, run some more and reach plaza sing, and in the nick of time make it to Shutter. Sara was shit scared just looking at the posters.

So we all sit down, after a lot of commotion and dropping like half our popcorn everwhere.

The movie is effin hilarious. its not even scary. its not even remotley jump-in-your-seat scary.

And i laughed through it. i mean seriously. I was like seriously cackling. I think my laughter was more scary than the whole movie combined.
And it didnt help that Sara was screaming and laughing at the same time.

So after the movie:
Sara: "So the dead chick slept with Ben?"
Me: "The dead chick slept with jane?"
Sara: "No ben slept with jane and the dead chick also slept with Ben"
Lakshmi: "WHAT? Ben slept with Jerry? Ben and Jerry slept together? They're gay?"

I swear to god, she wasnt even kidding. i swear.
Gosh i laughed so hard i just sat in the aisle and laughed and laughed and laughed till the coke toppled over.
She was freaking serious.

Sara: "So she just sits on his shoulder forever, thats why he had the kink?"
Me:"yeah, kinky man"
Lakshmi gives us both a blank look
five secs later
Lakshmi: "ooooh. kinky, like kink and kinky cux they slept tgt!! AHAHAHAHAHA"

On the bus on our way back to hostel, Maggi and Me was lk playing on tht Tv thing
So sara goes like 'why is tht chick always wearing the wedding dress?'
Lakshmi: "Oh cause shez a dick"
Sara: "shez a DICK?"
LAkshmi :"i mean shez a dead"
Sara: "Shez a dead dick?!"

OMG. guys.
hats off to you. you're friggin hilarious.

but seriously what is the deal with Ben and Jerry?
It is kinda gay if you think about it. Maybe they do sleep tgt. hmm

Oh screw. I jus super-glued my finger tgt.
SHIT. Does super glue even come off?
Darn

2008-03-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Step one you say we need to talk

He walks you say sit down it's just a talk

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right

As he goes left and you stay right

Between the lines of fear and blame

You begin to wonder why you

2008-03-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

Its 3:30 AM and im still not asleep.

Do you know why? Its because of you. Im so worried about you
When are you going to get everything together?
I see you waste away everyday of your life..letting it pass by as though its not worth living.
why?
i can see it so clearly..why cant you see how amazing you are? and how far you can go.
You can have everything you ever wanted..all you need to do is let yourself have it.
What are you so scared of? Tell me everything. Im still right here for you..i never left you..and your pain kills me inside..keeps me up at night.
But what makes me feel ever worse is the way you push me out. Let me in. Please. I can help you. I want to help you. You know i would give myself up if it could save you.
Im still here. Inside you. I never abandoned you..and no matter who abandons you i will still always be here. Let me take you hand. Let me be the shoulder you can cry on. Let me make you strong

I know what you think..you think im gone forever. You think its all over..like it never even existed. But the truth is that it did.

Dont do this to yourself. And if you dont care about yourself then think of it this way: dont do this to me. Because every wound you inflict upon yourself is felt by me too.
All i ask for you is to let me in.

The only thing worse than seeing you destroy yourself is being locked outside your life and watching you crumble like a spectator. And i cant do that.

You're the only one i ever believed in.

I love you

aaah stupidgrin

2008-03-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

gahh..im in love with this song..
omg.
Im in love with lifehouse.
i swear to god..if a guy sang this to me i would melt into a gooey puddle right there and then

You Belong to Me - Jason Wade

see the pyramids around the Nile
watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
just remember darling all the while -
you belong to me

see the marketplace in old Angier
send me photographs and souvenirs
just remember when a dream appears -
you belong to me

and I'll be so alone without you
maybe you'll be lonesome too

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it's wet with rain
just remember till you're home again -
you belong to me

oh I'll be so alone without you
maybe you'll be lonesome too

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it's wet with rain
just remember till you're home again -
you belong to me

oh yes..gooey-chitra-puddle comming right up

"Kiss Me"

2008-03-07T05:31:00.001-08:00

Kiss Me- Sixpence None The Richer

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

The Sense of Freedom

2008-03-07T05:31:00.000-08:00

All exams are finally over and i am free.
It is the most amazing feeling ever.
And it just so happens that i absolutely donot feel like blogging.

Black coffee + Notes = Fun NOT

2008-02-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

Yes. i admit it.
It has been very very very shamelessly long since i posted.
Haha. new year passed. V-day passed. My birthday passed. Hell even chinese new year passed.
And now its the dreaded time of the year again. The first interim test. And the sad (or maybe good) part is that since these are the first one's of the year, i actually give a shit.
cause you know..the year shouldnt start bad and blah blah. Though my chem and phy are screwed beyon repair anyway.
Sometimes i seriously wonder why i was given this scholarship.
Times like now..when my roomie is up studying and i am up blogging. On my dead blog. Which shows how desperate i am to not touch my books.

Uh school tomorrow. again :x
im so unhappy with school. But i cant even pon anymore. Cause i alr ponned for 3 days last week. And wednesday is kinda becoming my pet ponning day.
its just something about wednesday. hmm

ARGHHH. ASS WEEK!!!!!
STRESS! TENSION! HEADACHE! BACKACHE (yeah srsly)
gosh
i really should go back to studying chem.

Its 12:48
and i still have a long long way to go.

Plato's Cave

2007-09-09T22:20:00.000-07:00

Hmm..well now here is to a real nerdy entry..lol
you see my school has this really really weird module which is kinda like philosophy only we are not allowed to call it philosophy because it sounds like so crazy it you say that 15 yr olds are being taught philosophy. but yeah in essence it pretty much is philosophy.
Okay now some people have a misconception about erm philosophy that its fun and interesting and if you go online and key in Descartes or Plato or Socrates i can assure you you will find several articles that will capture your interest and might even make you want to search a bit more. Yeah Yeah its all fun and good.
But its kinda stops being such a treat when you have to it in like hour long lectures every single day listening to over hyper or over dead teachers talking about shit which doesn't make sense at all. Trust me at that time, the bubble gum under the chair of the LT seems way more interesting.
So yeah i guess when we started off with Plato's cave in MI I seated my butt in the LT and turned myself off. The usual ritual i do to preserve my sanity, But then the matrix started playing on the screen and i woke up from my slumber, it continued for lk two lectures. Okay ill admit it i was pretty awake this time. But then the lights came on and the ramblings about some "allergy" started and i tuned off again.
Well this Thursday we have to hand up an essay on this allergy( which i figured later is an allegory). And when i finally got down to reading it its actually quite interesting.
So what Plato says in this thing is that humans believe only what they have been taught to believe. We form our opinions not based on what we think but based on the norms of the society and on the opinions of the people before us. For example if since birth we had been locked up, without any communication with the world around, and then shown two faces and asked which one is prettier, there is no saying that we would chose the one with the better features or the smoother skin. Yeah it sounds darn obvious now, but really its not like we had been born knowing whats pretty, we think its pretty coz the people around us think its pretty. Hence we humans are just like sheep, with no opinions of our own. The same goes for opinions on justice and truth.
Is the world around us really true or is it just a fabrication, a memory, something we are being made to believe? Now supposing you take that person who has been in that one room since birth and take him outside, the new things he sees would shock him and the light of the world outside would scare him. It would hurt his eyes and he would be scared seeing the new animals and water and other strange creatures. when finally his eyes are not blinded by shock anymore he would be scared. At this time probably the person would choose to return to his room, without fear of the new.
The Plato things goes on way beyond this, i mean its this whole thing with lots of truth in it. really
I'm not wacko for putting this up. seriously. it kinda does explain a lot of stuff. Like why people are afraid to accept the new pr why we think what we think.
ha ha
I think in some way we all can link our lives to Plato's cave. Go ahead guys and read up on it. Its Plato's Allegory of the cave.
and if you read up and think its bull crap don't kill me. hey i have to write an essay, of course I'm supposed to like it!

which reminds me i have 1500 words worth of essay left for me to write!
back to work!

STRESS!

2007-08-26T21:47:00.000-07:00

oh man! my brain is lk burning up!
soo much to do!!!
first of all ive got da stupid ih essay to worry about,,i mean total war! who da hell even cares..as long as no bombs are falling off the sky and into my lap i am perfectly happy being uneducated about war..and even if they are i doubt i can call the enemy off their attack by telling them the pros and cons of the gulf war or whtever.
and if tht wsnt enough i am stuck wid one session of canoeing dat i HAVE to go for even if i have absolutely no plans of joining it because Mr.Yong is pissed at me. i mean wtf..its nt lk i ever said dat im gonna be joining canoeing anyway..
also da fact dat iver got my exams comming in less den a month for which i have to secure a GPA of lk 3.7 dsnt help one bit.
hmm
plus i also have to clean up my room..i mean does my hostel suck or does my hostel suck? at the amount of cash dese ppl take we should have lk persnol maids cleaning up for us and all. lol
AND my bff is lk turning 18 dis sept and i have no bloody clue wht im gonna do for her AND i have to call back home lk so long overdue AND AND AND..
i so need a break man.

and between dis hell of a life i have here its only the small moments which keep my running through
lk i dunno..haha
maybe erm paying the hostel back by taking a night out widout permission?
satisfying...
mwahahahaha
shit shit shit
gotta go swimming soon!
have to collect material for ih!!
finish math excercises!!!
i hate ip!!!!

back on track

2007-08-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

so yeah..im back in s'pore
have been back for a week now..
well lifes just da same i see..same old..harldy landed and i already have 3 assignments on my head..
yup lifes good..lol
hmm so lets see..my nxt weekends gonna be a looong one...hallelujah..its s'pore national day on 8th and 9th is also a hol :D god do we EVER hve two hols for indian independance day? nope..
haha.so nxt wed thur fri sat and sun hols
wait dats 3 days..
ok..we NEVER have 3 days hols fr heck
but whts to me.? ive got myself a looooooooooooooooooong weekend :D:D:D:D:D::D:D:D

so nxt weeks asean night also..so we guys got sum extravagant plans fr dat ;)
hpe it goes all well
well right now i gtg swim..
coz da long weekend isnt here as yet

2007-07-22T13:13:00.000-07:00

hmm
today was one hellova long day..wow
nt dat i rly anythng dat tiring but i still cannot wait to hit da bed.
and i cant..so sad
so yeah i woke up early in da mrng..coz its a sunday..and i lk getting early starts on sundays..so yeah i woke up at lk 9ish types..
YES dat IS early for me..heck dat is early for anyone..i mean who even wakes up before 12 wen on a holiday?
so yeah..den i had to pack...my god..parents can be so neurotic at times..i mean i have lk 1 day left i can pack all i want..i mean when i ws comming back my flight ws at lk 9 in da mrng and i started packing at 3 in the night after staying out late and stilll managed to wash AND dry my hair..
but npe..i ws put to packing ages before my flight..so i ws stuck lugging heavy stuff in and out of my bags..
den at arnd 1:30 i went over to jutiz plce we guys sat dere gossipped and got ready..
all 5 of us..it ws so much fun :P
den we guys went to pizza hut and made more noise den the whole place combined..and dats an achievement i swr..but den dere were 18 of us..heh
we guys roamed around and took loong drives..
lots of noise..lots of music..lots of times..and lots of friends..the perfect way to say goodbye

and now m back
and still packing (neurotic parents)
and bored to death
and tired to death to

hope such days come along all my life..

well no sleep tonite i guess..
no its nt coz i plan to say up studying..npe
i nvr do..and m a scholar..kinda hard to believe..
but den haha lets leave dat topic aside..

im stayin up coz i drank way too many mugs of coffe and ate 4 rum balls AND had a huge hookah somewhat by myself..
making it impossible for me to sleep even if im tired lk hell.
lk i am right now

xD

The Red Sari, deying law of nature and ego wars

2007-07-13T22:27:00.000-07:00

so this is about one red sari which im suppossed to give to my chinese friend so tht she can wear it to a wedding, a chinese wedding, a chinese traditional wedding, and dats not jus how crazy this gets, se also plans to wear it during chinese new year.
shez chinese.
ok not dat dere is anything wrong with a sari, saris look great, graceful, elegant and kinda hot.
but the fact remains dat im a indian and i have never ever worn a sari till date, ok except at this one wedding where it took me lk an hour to wear da goddamned thing and 2 secs to get it off and another hour to get the makeup off, but dats a totally different story.
so yeah she wants to wear a sari, so bad..
hmmm

oh and another thing thats unbelieveable.
i apologised to sumone, ok i didnt apologise exactly coz it wasnt my fault, but i put aside my (extremely large) ego and actually made an effort at peace with a person who i ws on not dat great terms with.
me
me
ME
wow
dats lk "defying a law of nature"
lol...good one sheenz..loll
and its actually not tht bad, u fell lk the bigger person..hmm
mayb i could also try to make peace with..say R, who is ths person who trips me lk hell.
i actuallt cud
or mayb i could jus continue fighting jus to da awesum felling i get when i see her crushed face when i win an ego war..
ha ha ha
mwahahaha
besides i rly doubt dere can be any peace when i constantly keep getting the feeling of ripping her apart limb-by-limb evrytime i see her.

:D:D:D:D

2007-07-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

im a happy girl :D:D:D
dunno why though..i should be depressed beyond reasonable measure since ive jus got one more week to relax before i go back to mugging hell again..
but im a happy girl :)
mayb it has sumtin to do with the fact tht i got prison break all seasons on dvd

OH HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!

-C

2007-06-23T04:20:00.000-07:00

Here is something i got in a forward..dunno why i opened it since i usually just ignore forwards completely..but i am glad i did open this one :)

i have realized that

The lonelier you feel the lonelier the world makes you feel

Even if i deserve the reward, i have to beg in order to get it

Words had hurt me more than the wounds i sufferred in life

Broader the smile deeper may be the wound inside

No matter how many times i pray i will only get what i rightfully deserve

When i am estatic about something there are never enough people to share it with

A face is not as important as it is made to believe

It is not always a coward who gives up a fight,sometimes smart people do

Kids are never at fault, they just mirror our faults

One persons misery is another persons merriment

Every relationship has an expiry date

I am better when i am silent

Smiling all the time can really hurt

Tears convey more then words can ever say

2007-06-13T08:49:00.000-07:00

I watch my sis expertly put the liner on her eye and groan inwardly as i stare at the HUGE plaster on my leg. On my flight back home i had my mind fogged with visions of me partying, shopping and sitting in mocha with my friends...but half of my holidays have gone already and here i am sitting on my bed with the laptop on my knees..turning to blogging to keep my sanity. Because i know if i have to watch one more re-run of scrubs or friends i will just lose it..so this is not how i imagined my trip back home to be..comming home for the first time in six months since signing my scholarship deed, i kinda imagined it differently..like me in my sis's place perhaps.

But no such luck..i guess that's what happens when u tell a shopoholic that she can blow up 15000 bucks in 15 days...she breaks a leg.literally. So here i am, sitting online for the 10th time in the day with a HUGE plaster, extended leave from school and bed sores...:(:(

So i just decide to pick up any topic to write about. My boredom is ULTIMATE. I look up at my sis again as she steadily approaches an impeccable look and turn in dismay to my laptop again. It seems to be my date for tonite. Just like it had been for the night before and before that. How badly a plaster ruins a persons life i now realize. It ruins my social life here beyond repair. and it ruins the social life of other people in Singapore too. Just one twist of fate
so..
Si just pick up a random topic from a conversation i had with my friend on msn recently. He asked my how i would like to be asked out by a guy...and i said, in a straight forward manner, upfront. And then he asked me how i would ask a guy out, and i said like any self respecting girl would say, I'm NEVER gonna ask a guy out. it goes totally against my ego..which is when he goes like and how is then a guy supposed to know that u like him? and i said that its up to him to figure out. Which is when my very disgusted interrogator said" girl psychology" and left the topic.
which is why i wonder. Is it really that hard to understand. I mean if we tell a guy we like him then whats even the point of trying to get him to ask you out?
I am fully aware of the bimbosity and randomosity of this topic yet at this time no other topic comes to my mind.
Maybe guy brains are too small to understand girl games. It is true. I mean what is so hard in it. Its is like a mono-programmed thing, see-like-talk-like more-flirt-positive-ask out
which is what i explained to my friend. and his next question made me realize that i was pursuing a pointless topic and made me lose all faith in the male species. "so how do we come to know a girl is flirting?"
Maybe i will ask out the guy of my dreams. It seems to be a safer bet.